in what might be england’s greatest unsolved mystery since the glory days of holmes and watson, an unidentified man has turned up in the county of kent, washed up on an isolated city beach, dressed in a full suit and matching tie, soaked clear through to the bone, and he hasn’t spoken a single word since his “discovery” almost 6 weeks ago.
what little we actually know about him comes from a series of fairly detailed sketches, first used to help determine if kent’s newest visitor could communicate at all, then encouraged after social workers saw what he was drawning. on the small notepad, in surprisingly fine detail, he had reproduced several impressive pictures of a grand piano, and a flag …

the rational post wants YOU! (insert uncle sam’s best conscription imagery HERE)
that’s right! you, MR. DYCK, JONATHAN, have been selected to represent the exceedingly prestigious and only recently world-renouned “rational post” as their senior NEW YORK correspondent.
your pen name: DYCKTATOR (or whatever creative handle you prefer!)
to qualify, simply send us a sample of your best journalistic material, specifically as it pertains to the production of feature-quality “rational” insight into the heart and soul of the real NEW YORK, as you, MR. DYCK, JONATHAN, might happen to see it.
write about the PERILOUS life of INVESTMENT BANKING. write about the DANGERS of GENERAL URBAN MISCHIEF. write about SEX in that UNREAL CITY.
what whatever you do, just write. and trust me, you won’t …

Imagine a world where the threat of death is almost palpable. Imagine a world where your own government is funding the rebels who just killed your brother and systematically raped his wife and daughter. Imagine a world where your only source of food and water is on the other side of a row of semi-automatic rifles. Imagine a world where the #1 cause of premature death is starvation.
Now imagine a world that doesn’t really care.
That’s the current state of affairs in Darfur, a region in western Sudan where almost 2,000,000 have been displaced from their homes and nearly 200,000 have died over the past 18th months. There are no tsunamis in Darfur. There are no tourists in Darfur. There are …

I love my Passat. No one will ever convince me otherwise. In my mind, the Germans still make some of the finest engines in the world. Call it a wartime hobby. Call it competitive advantage. I just really love my car.
But today’s modern automobiles are more than just the moving parts. They’re more than just a great drivetrain. They’re more than just the raw, torquey power that makes that Autobahn so damn fun. Today’s cars are mobile computers. And, to my complete and utter disappointment, the Germans still can’t build a decent P.C.

(another piece of early creative writing, first conceived during the intensely productive summer of 1998. once again, please pardon any excessive “linguistic enthusiasm”…)
man’s great intention
is every man inclined to greatness?
what sets apart the icons of humanity from the masses?
who provides the “average”
against which the hero’s rank is so often compared?
why do some realize their inherent genius
while others fail to even search?
could every man be as great as the greatest?
and if so, what of those rare and precious few
who’ve been so commendably erected
to the dizzying heights of perpetual praise?
so lucky is the brave stranger who chances to seek
that which is within himself, for if that greatness lies beyond
his inward glance, his incorrigible grasp,
the search alone was more than worth the effort.
what …

q: “how do you get from here to mexico?”
a: “keep driving south until someone gives a [bleep] about soccer.”
these days, it’s pretty safe to say that — if given the chance — any red-blooded north american would probably spend their growing stock of entertainment dollars on watching two modern phalanxes slug it out on the gridiron before they sat through 90 minutes of “the beautiful game”. for that matter, they’d likely spend more on bowling or horseracing or the wwe (author’s note: bowling can actually be quite fun). but the simple fact remains: for some strange reason, americans don’t have the patience for the type of strategic posturing and skilled athleticism that gives “european” football its otherwise universal global appeal.
so …

(The following is an exerpt from a book I started to write in the summer of 1998 (at the age of 19). Having taken my first few courses in undergrad philosophy, I was overcome with a sense that traditional philosophical theory was far too exclusive. Convinced that there had to be a better way to share logic and reason with the world, I wrote a little something called “Modern Philosophy: A Comprehensive Study of Man and His Environment”, and this is how it all began…)
PREFACE:
ON THE ACCESSIBILITY OF PHILOSOPHY
Upon first seeing this book on the shelves of the local bookstore, you undoubtedly asked yourself, “Another book on Philosophy? Who keeps writing these things?!” The simple answer, in this case, …