the rational post » language & literature

need for speed

The Editor — Thu, 07 Sep 2006 01:25:27 +0000

Reading is believing…

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdgnieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn’t mttaer inwaht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling was ipmorantt!

what?

The Editor — Sun, 03 Sep 2006 01:51:11 +0000

(q-tip waxes philosophic, as lord of the tribe…)

[sample audio] — abbridged

What is a party if it doesn’t really rock?
What is a poet? All balls, no cock.
What is a war if it doesn’t have a general?
What’s Channel Nine if it doesn’t have Arsenio?
What is life if you don’t have fun?
What is a “what?” if you ain’t got a gun?
What is a quest if the players ain’t willing?
What is a pence if you don’t have a shilling?
What’s a fat man without food in his gut?
What’s a child birth, without the umbilical?
What’s United Parcel, without…

the madman

The Editor — Sun, 27 Aug 2006 17:48:34 +0000

(Few have understood the Middle East and it’s people like Lebanese-born poet and scholar, Khalil Gibran. In this, my favourite of his smaller works, Gibran explores the concept of cultural integration and social identity, relevant now more than ever in the land he once called home)

Chapter One: How I Became a Madman

You ask me how I became a madman. It happened thus: One day, long before many gods were born, I woke from a deep sleep and found all my masks were stolen — the seven masks I have fashioned and worn in seven lives — I ran maskless through the crowded streets shouting, “Thieves, thieves, the cursed thieves.”

Men and women laughed at me and some ran…

the mating game

The Editor — Mon, 06 Feb 2006 04:30:00 +0000

“The time has come,” the Walrus said, “To talk of many things…”
- Lewis Carroll, The Walrus and The Carpenter, 1872

That Charles L. Dodgson was considered by many to be a serial pedophile had little to do with his celebrated creative legacy. After all, he was a distinguished Anglican clergyman, a pioneer in early photography, a gifted mathematician, and above all, a writer of great fictional prose. As he wandered through the English language over a hundred years ago, his literary and personal idiosyncrasies led him from subject to subject and metaphor to metaphor, spawning works that have continued to delight his readers ever since.

But perhaps his most enduring legacy comes from the lines of a little…

fine print

The Editor — Fri, 13 Jan 2006 18:57:20 +0000

(the following prose figures prominantly at the end of every nortel press release. caveat investor…)

Certain information included in this press release is forward-looking and is subject to important risks and uncertainties. The results or events predicted in these statements may differ materially from actual results or events. Factors which could cause results or events to differ from current expectations include, among other things: the outcome of regulatory and criminal investigations and civil litigation actions related to Nortel’s restatements and the impact any resulting legal judgments, settlements, penalties and expenses could have on Nortel’s results of operations, financial condition and liquidity, and any related potential dilution of Nortel’s common shares; the findings of Nortel’s independent review…

cat people

The Editor — Fri, 01 Jul 2005 08:44:00 +0000

(“Everything stinks till it’s finished,” Dr. Seuss once said, long before the enlightened age of ‘Sesame Street’ and the meteoric rise of ‘Blue’s Clues’. Developmental education has certainly come a long way since the early days of green eggs and ham, but I still can’t help but marvel at his strangely provocative style, given that my own first read was the ever-popular “Cat in the Hat Comes Back” just weeks after my fourth birthday. Consequently, I thought it only fitting to share with the readership this great New Yorker piece about the science of rhyme and reason, and the man who first brought it to the world…)

CAT PEOPLE
What Dr. Seuss really taught us.
by LOUIS MENAND
…

counting sheep

The Editor — Tue, 21 Jun 2005 23:46:00 +0000

“How much?”

“A lot,” she replies.

“Generic answer” he says, as he heads down the stairs.

The guy has a natural fascination for numbers and quantity. He’s expecting an impressive response. But how much is a lot? And a lot more than what?

Just then, a book drops down on the table in front of her. To put this in context, a lot of books have dropped on the table in front of her these past few months. Well…maybe not dropped, but definitely placed with loving intention.

This time, it’s “A Brief History of Infinity: The Quest to Think the Unthinkable”.

So that’s…

a writer’s struggle

The Editor — Sun, 19 Jun 2005 23:42:00 +0000

one word: distraction.
three times a second.
everywhere.
and all of them, in some way, important.
it seems impossible sometimes.
making time to capture your thoughts.
what a simple pleasure that is:
having the freedom to write.
whenever you feel the need
to put down, on paper,
for decades and centuries to come,
the precise constitution of your mind
at a specific point in time,
at some a specific place,
in some specific way.
sometimes it’s a power cord.
sometimes, a cellphone.
sometimes, even an in-law.
whichever leash you’re wearing,
be sure it isn’t strong enough
to hold you back.

mean streets

The Editor — Thu, 09 Jun 2005 02:44:00 +0000

Park Avenue, the Champs d’Elysee, Memory Lane. No matter the urban moniker, the basic premise is always the same: someone or something had such an impact on a specific area that all future reference to that particular spot would carry their memory for years and decades to come. But how do these “Main” streets earn their namesake in the first place? The “Champs d’Elysee”, for instance, literally translates into the “Elysian Fields“, that mythical resting place for the souls of the heroic virtuous. Berlin’s “Unter der Linden Strasse” literally tells the tale of a leisurely stroll under the street’s “Linden trees”. In Madrid, “Avenida Jose Antonio” takes its eponymous moniker from a charismatic Spanish hero.…

amor escrito

The Editor — Thu, 02 Jun 2005 18:27:00 +0000

One day, many years after the rise of modern man, life suddenly decided that it wanted “love” to be written down, once and for all. “But,” said life, “a writer needs great inspiration to create something so beautiful; and inspiration equally needs a writer’s gentle touch to bring its own subtle poetry into being.”

So life conspired to bring both of these elements into the world, in the hopes that they might someday meet, and together, explore the true meaning of the word “love” for one final time.

Whether and when they would meet was in no way certain. In fact, it was distinctly uncertain. But life wanted “love” to inspire, and “love” only inspires when it’s shared.

So one…

a call to arms

The Editor — Sat, 21 May 2005 22:49:00 +0000

the rational post wants YOU! (insert uncle sam’s best conscription imagery HERE)

that’s right! you, MR. DYCK, JONATHAN, have been selected to represent the exceedingly prestigious and only recently world-renouned “rational post” as their senior NEW YORK correspondent.

your pen name: DYCKTATOR (or whatever creative handle you prefer!)

to qualify, simply send us a sample of your best journalistic material, specifically as it pertains to the production of feature-quality “rational” insight into the heart and soul of the real NEW YORK, as you, MR. DYCK, JONATHAN, might happen to see it.

write about the PERILOUS life of INVESTMENT BANKING. write about the DANGERS of GENERAL URBAN MISCHIEF. write about SEX in that UNREAL CITY.

what whatever you do, just write.…

a hero’s rank

The Editor — Thu, 19 May 2005 04:09:00 +0000

(another piece of early creative writing, first conceived during the intensely productive summer of 1998. once again, please pardon any excessive “linguistic enthusiasm”…)

man’s great intention

is every man inclined to greatness?
what sets apart the icons of humanity from the masses?
who provides the “average”
against which the hero’s rank is so often compared?
why do some realize their inherent genius
while others fail to even search?
could every man be as great as the greatest?
and if so, what of those rare and precious few
who’ve been so commendably erected
to the dizzying heights of perpetual praise?

so lucky is the brave stranger who chances to seek
that…

de gustibus

The Editor — Tue, 17 May 2005 01:08:00 +0000

(The following is an exerpt from a book I started to write in the summer of 1998 (at the age of 19). Having taken my first few courses in undergrad philosophy, I was overcome with a sense that traditional philosophical theory was far too exclusive. Convinced that there had to be a better way to share logic and reason with the world, I wrote a little something called “Modern Philosophy: A Comprehensive Study of Man and His Environment”, and this is how it all began…)

PREFACE:
ON THE ACCESSIBILITY OF PHILOSOPHY

Upon first seeing this book on the shelves of the local bookstore, you undoubtedly asked yourself, “Another book on Philosophy? Who keeps writing these things?!” The simple answer, in…

freaky friday

The Editor — Fri, 13 May 2005 23:17:00 +0000

So another Friday the 13th has come and gone, and as the superstitious among us refrain from changing their beds and hold their collective breath in cautious anticipation of every possible incarnation of earthly misfortune, I thought it might be a good time to actually explore why the world has come to fear this ominous calendar date.

Several theories have been proposed for this almost pathological interest in a combination of day and number which, by all accounts, is no different from any other. They range from the historical to the supernatural, and have inspired entire phobias (see triskaidekaphobia and paraskevidekatriaphobia) that can paralyze and demoralize its sufferers for no apparent reason (aside, of course, from…

persona non grata

The Editor — Sun, 08 May 2005 18:12:00 +0000

(the third in a series on the rights of the individual, this article examines the inherent legal and ethical challenges of granting a being “personhood“, also written during my first year in university)

Philosophy has long been concerned with the issue of personhood. In the world of Plato and Aristotle, simply being “human” was enough to qualify a creature as a person. Over time, however, numerous exceptions to that rule have been found, and other theories have quickly followed in this burgeoning field of philosophical study. This paper will focus on Frankfurt’s theory of personhood in particular, which despite its subtle imperfections gives us insight into what constitutes a person. His theory will then be…